That Butterflies In Your Tummy Excitement

That Butterflies In Your Tummy Excitement when you are in the just going about your day to day life and you get THAT phone call or text. One minute you are in the supermarket, wondering what to have for dinner and do I need to buy cereal and then you check your phone and OOOOMMMMGGGGG!!

Im talking about when Michael used to come to Europe. For one crazy week about once a year, Michael would come to Europe for a public appearance, ie an Award Show or similar event. And when he did, we would drop our normal lives and live in this crazy mad bubble world.

Michael knew how to play the game of publicty very well. He knew how to work the system. He knew that by letting fans know his location , ie the hotel he was staying at, then the event or award show would gain instant free publicty. He knew how to get into the papers by not doing very much and by him being in the papers would raise the profile of whatever he was promoting at that time.

Thats how it worked, and deep inside us we knew we were being used for free PR, but at the time, it didnt matter to us.

It would start by his travel details being leaked to certain fans or by him allowing himself to be papped at an airport. Then by word of mouth, through text and phone calls, the news would circulate around the fan community.

Whenever he travelled to Europe, for a public event, he would always stay at the same hotel, for example in London, there were 3 or 4 hotels within a mile which he has stayed out.

Once word went around that Michael was on his way to London, we would head into central London, and go to these hotels. There was always the same group of fans there, many of us who only ever met each other when Michael was in town.

It was like a small community, year after year, the same faces, the same pattern of events. All of us at one time had been "newbies" who started off with a burning desire to see Michael. Many of us started off on our own, and learned the unspoken rules about how things were done.

Outside the hotel, we learned from those who had done this before. We learned that to get close to Michael you had to get his attention and stand out, but we also learned that to get close to Michael you also had to gain the trust of his security. We learned that the media were to be shunned and avoided, we learned that keeping Michael safe was the most import thing, even if it ment we might not see or get close to him. We found out what NOT to do when Michael was out and about, ie jumping barriers or banging on the car windows. We found out when Michael wanted us around and when he didnt. We found that above all, not to give up and that having patience will in the end make everything worthwhile.

We fiercely protected Michael and his whereabouts from the media and general public, but at the same time, we knew when it was ok to to tell people or the media what he was doing. Many times, to help pass the time we would give PAPS or tv crews wrong information, just to get them away from Michael.

For me, those trips were like a lesson in the school of life. I learned to stand up for what I believed in and not to care what people thought. I learned tolerance and understanding of different cultures and races, as being outside the hotels everyone was the same, just there to see Michael. I learned how far to push my body and spirit, I learned not to give up when things seem impossible. I found out more about myself going to see Michael, than in any other aspect of my life.

Now looking back, we thought it would last forever. We always thought there would be a next time, whether that was in a few months or next year.

Many people dont understand us or why we went to see Michael. They call us stalkers, they say we were a danger to Michael, they say we didnt respect Michaels privacy. All I can say to those is, what would you have done, if you had been told that Michael is staying at XXXXX Hotel, 5 miles away, and fans have been meeting him , and giving him presents. Look deep in your heart and answer, would you have have said, oh thats nice and not thought anything more, or would you have tried to get to that hotel????

Mike Like Behaviour

nows heres an interesting little phrase that has suddenly popped up in the fan community in the last year, MIKE LIKE BEHAVIOUR.

It seems to be used more and more frequently as the months go by, and the people who use it most... the people new to the fan communities!!

Every time, a long term member of the fan community speaks out against, or has an opinion about things happening in the fan community, this phrase gets pulled out.

It seems that people new to the fan community have this godlike fantasy image of Michael. The Michael they know is based on what they have seen on tv or on the internet. They only have seen the happy smiling Michael, most often onstage or being interviewed. They see the public side, the polite, smiling mask hiding true feelings, the soft spoken, well mannered, very gracious person.

But this is just one side of a very complex man. People new to the fan community have never had personal interaction with or have seen the real man behind the superstar Michael Jackson.

The real Michael was at times very different to the public image.

Im not saying he was Jekal and Hyde but he very carefully and cleverly kept much of his real person away from the public image. Thats what people new to the fan community fail to understand. They just see the public persona and dont understand there is alot more that they never knew about.

The public image of superstar Michael Jackson was that he spoke with a high pitched soft voice, where as in real life, the man Michael spoke with a much deeper and low pitched voice. Thats why , over a year later, many people still question whether it was the real Michael at the London press conference for the concerts. They have this fantasy image of Michael Jackson, and the man on the stage didnt conform to their fantasy image , cos for the first time he actually felt comfortable using his real deep voice!!

ok, so let me give you some more MIKE LIKE BEHAVIOUR

1. The real Michael picked favourite fans and gave them special privilages over other fans

( there goes the fantasy that Michael loved all fans equally!!)

2. The real Michael made public things he was told in confidence

(Mariah Careys marriage problems with Tommy Motalla)

3. The real Michael did not care about being on time, or how his lateness would affect other people

(holding up Uri Gellers wedding)

4.The real Michael swore and flirted with woman, had hate campaigns against people, and got angry, and Im not talking about song lyrics!

5. The real Michael could be rude, leave people out in the rain, snub , rip people off and like a complete diva at times

This is why I get so mad when this phrase MIKE LIKE BEHAVIOUR gets used time and again.

Those who use this phrase to attack long standing members of the fan community really have no clue who the real Michael was!

My Sadness at Returning to Neverland

On Monday 28 June I went to Neverland. This was my first visit back there since early July 2009. I was soo horrified and angered to see that in the months since my last visit, the walls at Neverland had been defaced and vandelised by so called fans. It broke my heart to see the beautiful walls covered in writing. Never in all the years that Michael was living there have I seen such disrespect for Michael.

I have been visiting Neverland since Jan 2004. Fans have been visiting Neverland even since Michael bought the property over 20 years ago. Never in all those years have "fans" shown soo little respect for Michael. All the years I have been visiting there fans have made sure that Neverland is cared for, making sure we dont leave any litter, etc.

I spoke to one of the security about all the writings on the wall. He said that the owner is not happy about the walls being defaced. He began working at Neverland a few months before June 25, and he remembered all the chaos at Neverland in the days after June 25. I told he I was at Neverland in the beguinning of July 2009 and there were no writings an the wall. He agreed and said that the writings on the walls started when the big fan groups started coming to Neverland. He said and I quote " we can tell they are not real fans" . When the tourists and sightseers saw the fan groups writing on the walls, they started too. Now everywhere is covered, even the security intercom. People even have written on the big brown main gates, the gates that have stood at the entrance to Neverland for over 20 years.

How could you? why did you do this? Would you have written on the walls when Michael was living there?

I have heard rumors that because of the writings on the walls, that there is a possibilty that in the future, the entrance to Neverland may be changed, and that there will be no acess to the main gate and wall area.

I have also heard on twitter, that "fans" have now started writing on the walls at Forest Lawn and Havenhurst.

Have you no respect for the Jackson family?

Due to the actions of these so called fans, the majority of the fans will be penalised. For 20 over years , because the fans acted in a respectful way, we have been allowed to visit Neverland and the Jackson home in Encino. Now that is under threat, and could be taken away from us, all because of the stupid selfish actions of a few fans!!

Jetlagged and emotionally drained

ok, so Im back in London, after 2 weeks in LA. It was such an exhausting trip, both physically and emotionally. I will write up my trip bit by bit, but in short, we went to Forest Lawn twice, on June 25 and on July 6, Neverland twice, Disney twice, Universal Studios, a Justice 4 Michael demo, a bus tour of central LA, explored Santa Monica, Jacksons home in Encino, Michaels house at Carolwood, Michaels star on Hollywood Walk of Fame,went shopping, explored Los Olivos, met up with some fan friends, and soo much more. Im still jetlagged and its soo soo hot in London, and its hard to get back to reality after 14 days of being in an American bubble