This It It dvd promo event London

So tonight I going to the dvd promo event in London, in HMV Oxford Street. The plan is 10 to 11pm, Dance The Drill with the concert dancers, then a meet and greet with Kenny Ortega and Travis Payne.

Honestly, I am soo muddeled. Im going to support Michael and to meet up with the other fans. Even though I have been to see the film multiple times at the cinema, , something about it just feel right right to me.

The same tonight. I just dont really trust Kenny and Travis. The thing is, they are under contact to SONY and publically have to be all bouncy and happy and do everything to promote the film. This basically means they are SONY employees and have to follow SONY policies and they have to say what SONY want them to say.

Even though Im going, I havent learnt the DRILL. This in itself speaks volumes to me, as its so out of character for me. I have always been a "dancer" fan, trying to learn Michaels routines, even meeting up with friends in a park in 2008 to learn THRILLER dance.

Now though, Im just not that bothered. Dont get me wrong, I absoluty love the dance, and love seeing Michael do it, but its just cos its being used as promo... it dosnt feel right.

There just seems to be conflicting issues surrounding the whole dvd/film

On one hand, there is SONY and Kenny promoting the film, all the hype etc. Thats the superstar Michael Jackson, the SONY product, the one which the general public knows, and who is more popular now than he has been for 10 years or more.

One the other hand, children have lost thier father, parents have lost a son, fans who saw behind the mask of the superstar and got to know the person, all grieving, trying to adjust to life without the person, and an ongoing police investigation and pending court case.

Jumbled Thoughts

soo many jumbled thoughts about TII and everything surrounding it.

Remember how happy Michael was at the press conference, and all the excitement of the announcement and the ticket sales. Following all the reports on the forums, the little tidbits of info, the photos, and the whole just crazyness of March to June.

The June 25 and the house of cards come tumbeling down. The creation of TINI fan group and the testimonies. The conspricy thoeries and lack of info, our world in turmoil, trying to find answers and figure out who, why, how.

Then the news of TII film, and all the promo.

Just soo confused.

I believe the testimonies of TINI, but I have also seen the film multiple times in the cinema. Im confused about Kenny Ortega, I just cant figure him out. The same with Travis Payne and Randy Phillips. Are they truely trying to honour and pay tribute to Michael or are they using this film for their own gain??

Karen Faye is another who confuses me. I know she has always had very close links to the fan community , posting on forums etc, but now on facebook, it seems like she has created her own MJ fansite. Is she like all of us, deperatly trying to cling on to anything connected to Michael, or is it something more???

"Dr" Murray is the person being charged , as he was the one who actaully gave Michael the drugs, and should be punished for that.

What about AEG? Should they also be accountable too, and with them, Kenny Ortega? TINI think so but the majority of the fan community dont share this view.

Are the fans against TINIs view of things because the majority of fans only know Michael as the superstar on tv and not as person?

Its all just soo confusing and at times I really dont know what to think

Justice For Michael , photos

Justice For Michael

ok, So just back from the JUSTICE FOR MICHAEL demo in central London.

There was a face book group set up and over 100 people had confirmed attendance... surprise surprise, the only fans who actually bothered being there were fans who always get involved and actually cared enough about Michael to go and see him when he was here!!!! Where the fuck were the rest of you, the ones who sit behind a computer and are all talk, yet when it comes down to it, cant be bothered to get off your fucking lazy backsides and do something for Michael!!!

ok now the rant is over, it was great to meet up with everyone again, fans who I have got to know over the years at hotels.

I got there about 1.15pm and we started putting up banners . Then our day kinda took an unexpected turn. A hippy dippy peace and love group turned up, complete with samba drums and proceeded to turn Picidilly into a musical LOVE IN woodstock type thingy!!

It kinda worked in our favour though, cos we got alot of interested people, taking photos of us and asking us questions. We ended up just going with the hippy dippy flow and in fact both groups ended up having fun in an odd sort of way.

Whenever they stopped playing music, we would scream "JUSTICE FOR MICHAEL" etc.

One really comical bit was when they got everyone to join in a PEACE AND LOVE circle. This ended up being everyone holding hands in a giant circle all the way around the main EROS fountain. Our JUSTICE FOR MICHAEL banner display got huge publicity as it was right in the centre of the huge PEACE AND LOVE circle. One of the MJ fans then did a slow lap of honour, holding a huge Justice banner, in the inside of the hippy dippy peace and love circle, with all of us cheering and screaming Justice on the sidelines.

Near the end, the hippy dippy people started writing peace and love slogans on the ground with chalk, so of course, the MJ fans joined in, writng our own messages of L.O.V.E.

It was fun spending time with other fans, and for a while, it felt like old times, happier times, when we used to just take over London when Michael was here..........

will post some photos tomorrow

I want my life back

I want my life back. I want to be able to listen to music and not cry. I want to feel the freedom of going to a concert and screaming and dancing till I loose my voice and my muscles ache. I want to go to forums and have fun and feel like I have something in common with the active posters. I want to recieve a text message that send my heart spinning cos I know Im going to see Michael in a few hours. I want this emptyness and blackness in my soul to go away. I want to be happy and free.

Most of all

I want you back Michael

xxxxx

What if there is no new album?

This was originally posted on MAX JAX and MJJC in July 2008. It caused huge controversay on the forums, as people had built up this huge expectation of something which was never to happen. On MJJC, the thread was closed as there was soo much negativity.

What if there is no new album? 7 July 2008

heres something thats been on my mind for awhile. We all know that Michael has been in the studio working on new songs, but what if the new music is not for a classic complete new album???? Has anyone one considered the idea that maybe that part of Michael's career is over and now his career is moving in a different direction.

ok let me clarify... from J5 days to Invicible, Michael has worked hard at his career, reaching the top and becoming the biggest selling artist of all time. His career has been the inspiration for many of todays artists and thoughout his career he has been instramental in shaping the music industry as we know it.

Now that he has reached the top, become the worlds biggest selling artist and gained respect and acceptance from the music industy, he realises he dosnt have to prove himself any more and is now using his experience and talent to help todays top artists.

When he allowed Billy Bush to interview him in Ireland we saw that Will.I.am was working with Michael. Then we get THRILLER25 which Will features on. We hear rumours of Michael working with Akon and we get HOLD MY HAND which is confirmed to be on Akon's new album.

All Im saying is, maybe now, Michael is not working on a solo album for himself , but working on new music for other peoples albums. In October 2007, when he sent us the letter about the L'Uomo Vogue photo shoot he said "Soon I will be sharing exciting and surprising news with you from my other efforts". Most fans took this to mean a new album, but what if he ment he was working on music with other artists for THEIR album not his??

Its not the first time he has collaberated with other artists. Since Thriller ara he has worked with many different artists. Back in then, when he was the young top artist heading for the peak of his career, he recorded with people like Paul MacCartney and Diana Ross, artists who had reached the top of their careers. Maybe now, Michael is doing the same thing, passing on his talent and experience to the new generation.

what are your thoughts?

Question... why now and not before TII????

ok, this has been bugging me for a while now. You know all the stuff with the dancers, them going on tv and doing the stuff with fans for the launch of TII on dvd in America? Well I wondering, why has Travis never done fan stuff before? And actully would people have even recognised the name Travis Payne before the release of TII movie?

Its not like there there hasnt been fan events in the years since HISTORY tour. In fact other dancers who have worked with Michael, dancers not involved with TII have in the past attended fan events, and done dance masterclasses in London.

Am I just being cynical wondering about this? I know Travis has worked with Michael before, and that he respects Michael, but it just seems to me to be a little like he is using this as promotion for himself, and that now the general public know that he worked with Michael, not just the MJ fans and people in the dance industry.

My Life Will Never Be The Same

Things I dont do since June 25
*********************************
My Michael dreams have stopped
I dont listen to Michaels music or watch footage of him
I dont read as much as I used to
I have stopped buying magazines and newspapers
I havent turned on my mp3 player since June 24/25

Things I have started doing since June 25
*********************************************
my film and book choices have become darker, I used to read alot of chicklit / light hearted books, now Im reading more darker books, dealing with death and horror. The same with my movie choices. I used to watch alot of dance and muisical fims, now Im watching more darker films.

The same with my music choices. I used to listen to mainly RNB / pop music, now Im listening to other genres, mainly Irish music and music genres I never used to listen to.

I have started drinking alcohol more often. I used never be a big drinker, in fact for most of my adult life I would never drink alcohol when I went out. Now though,Im drinking alot more. Now when I go out I have more than 1 drink, and when Im at home, and friends come over, I sometimes get quiet tipsy. Dont worry, I dont drink all the time, just every so often.

I cant anymore

Im not who you want me to be, Im not like you.You think you know me but you dont. Eveything is new to you, but what you find exciting and new is what my life used to be. The meet ups, the events, demos, fighting for Michael, its not me anymore. You think your ideas are new, wake up, they are not. Thats what we have been doing year after year. You think its exciting, going to LA, all fans staying in the same hotel... helloo, where the fuck were you when we did all that back in 2004/2005 in Santa Maria?? You want to organise protests outside the court, um... thats what we did in Santa Maria, when you couldnt be bothered.You look down on the TINI fans, yets those same fans were the ones who actaully cared enough about Michael to to go and see him when he needed support, unlike you, who only NOW when its too late, have all these ideas and plans.

I cant do this anymore, I cant keep advising you, guiding you, sharing experiences. Im fed up teaching you about the fan community, Im fed up explaining that NO ONE CARES about mj.com. You just dont get it so whats the point. Its going round in circles and Im soo tired of it all.

Dont you get it?? Im on the edge of a cliff, trying soo hard not to tip over the edge. All the new fans, the excitment about finding "new songs" which I have been listening to for years, the "new footage" on youtube,events etc which I have been at, I cant deal with anymore.